It really is very simple. Confidence that is. I promise you.
I had extremely low confidence for a stupidly long time (25 years), and sometimes, when I have the time, I wonder how things might have been if I had believed in myself in my twenties and thirties. But, we all know looking back and wanting to change the past isn’t healthy or actually doable, and learning from the past can be a good thing. The saying ‘the only time you should look back is to see how far you’ve come’ is absolutely right – well said, whoever that was!
So what is confidence and what can it do for you?
Confidence is a feeling deep inside of you of self-belief and trust. That feeling that you CAN do something, no matter what fear you may have attached to it. Confidence is enjoying pushing yourself, taking a stand, blowing your own trumpet (not for everyone) and knowing that you are going to be okay, because you have a confident mindset and you believe in yourself.
Take public speaking – one of the biggest personal fears around. I have worked with people who have faked illness just to get out of presenting something at work, and others who have pretended that they are having tech issues just to get out of a Zoom call because they are riddled with fear. It happens, I know that for a fact, because I did it for years.
I have been in situations in the past that required me to present at a meeting, and 2-days prior to the gig, I would have nerves and anxiety that I couldn’t describe, nor get away from. It was crippling. Every bone and organ in my body wanted the meeting to be cancelled, alas they never were.
I want to you to understand the power of these 3 things for confidence:
1. Getting to know yourself. You cannot be confident without this key foundation. When you are in-tune with yourself you have a strength like no other. I suggest that you start to ask yourself questions about who you are, what you like, what lights you up and so on.
2. Liking Yourself. Once you know who you are – who you really are – you need to accept those details, including all of the flaws. This eradicates the feeling that everyone is better than you, that everyone else has got their life together, that everyone is ‘sorted’ – which is nonsense.
Liking yourself also means that you make better decisions based on what you need and want, and on what suits you as a person. Liking yourself enables you to have fun, too. There really isn’t anything to hate about liking yourself.
3. Trusting Yourself. You have to give yourself a chance, with the ever-present mantra of IT WILL BE OKAY running parallel to everything you do. You are better than you think and when you grasp the concept of trusting yourself, life (work, motherhood, relationships) become better. The days that you say “I can’t do that” are gone. It is time to say “I am going to have a go” or better still, “I can do that!”.
It will be ok!
YOU ARE IN CONTROL AND YOU ARE CONFIDENT
If you get these things right, then I promise you as I did at the top that your self-confidence becomes more simple. If you only ever did the three things above, your confidence will grow. You will feel it. You will have a better opinion of yourself and start to care a little less about what others think of you because, and this is a biggy, you like and trust yourself. You are in control and you are confident. That is why I coach. I want others to feel GOOD. I want people to do WELL. There is plenty of room for us all, and confidence is yours if you want it. Try it. And let me know what happens for you.