Musings on confidence

By 7 May 2021March 3rd, 2023No Comments


I speak to women all the time who just accept that low confidence is a part of their personality, their make up and I think that is a mistake. Confidence is like a muscle and it can be worked on, developed and trained – much like being in a gym and growing your biceps! So why do so many people accept that low confidence and sitting in a low-key place is right for them?

From my experience as a coach I think it stems from fear. Women in particular can feel scared to take up space, and this might be because of social conditioning, expectations from the society we live in (which of course differs the world over) or because we don’t want to feel big. Personally, I think it is a mixture of all three. What do you think?

In my own personal experience, I felt that being confident would expose who I was, it would make me seen. When I had no (low) confidence I certainly didn’t want to be seen – and so I stayed in a place which meant I could hide if I wanted to.

We all want privacy and I respect that, but do we all want to be a shadow in the background? Maybe yes. Some do. I can confidently say that since I worked on my own confidence – which mainly looks like getting to know yourself, liking yourself and trusting yourself – I have come out of hiding, I’ve pushed myself forwards, and yet I still feel that I have the privacy I need. I don’t feel exposed. I feel driven, motivated and purposeful – and that is what having inner confidence can do. Ask yourself this question; how will I feel if I am confident?

Take a moment to think about it. In fact, )top confidence tip coming up) grab your journal, write that question at the top and free-write the answer; HOW WILL I FEEL IF I AM CONFIDENT?


The truth is that confidence doesn’t actually feel scary, it is in fact quite the opposite. It is a feeling of calm, balance and it is peaceful. When my confidence was low, my head was very noisy, and now it’s completely the opposite. Now I am confident, I feel like I have time to think. I don’t have the negative thoughts and self-doubt that once rushed around my head – and if I do have negative self-sabotaging thoughts, I can deal with them very quickly. Do you feel like your negative thoughts take over? Thoughts like; She’s so much better than me, It’s alright for her….. , I’m just rubbish at this, can jump in at any given moment and they really are very limiting. My advice here is to write them all down in your journal, do it today, knowing what you are saying to yourself is vitally important if you want to grow your confidence.

“Confidence shouldn’t feel scary – it is THE thing that will settle your mind and push you forwards”


The biggest piece of advice I can give you is to GET TO KNOW YOURSELF. Ask yourself this; How well do I know myself?

Many of my clients feel like they should be a certain person, they should be a certain weight, they should eat a certain thing and it is these thoughts and behaviour that stop you from building and growing your confidence. You are You and the moment you accept that, your perspective and confidence levels change. Knowing yourself is one of the foundations of confidence.

My biggest tip here is to journal around who you are. Who Am I? is a great question to ask yourself. WHO. AM. I?

Journaling is an expceptional tool when it comes to undertsanding and growing your confidence and I suggest you start this soon. If you are serious about growing your confidence, journaling will help. Get yourself a lovely A5 notebook and a gorgeous pen and start to get your thought and mind out on paper. Asking yourself questions is brilliant, much in the same way I explained before with the question of Who Am I? You can do this with other questions too. Asking questions on paper, is much better then in your head – so get to it, start journaling today.


If you are looking for support but are not quite ready for 1-2-1 coaching, my audio confidence course is a brilliant way to start. The course can be listened to on headphones and is private, introductory and emboldening.

I share my journaling for confidence in much greater depth and walk (talk) you through exactly the steps you need to take to be confident.

Improve your confidence with my confidential 3-Part Audio Course.

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If you have a question for me, please email